i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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