talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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