im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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