U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
