When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
