mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
