i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
