If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
