So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
