omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
