it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
