somebody snuck up and got me drunk
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
