I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
