Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery

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(330): View more from Ohio

I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential

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(519): View more from Ontario

Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"

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(707): View more from California

i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.

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(563): View more from Iowa

Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.

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(585): View more from New York

Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret

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