I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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