If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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