we made out on top of his cat.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
