Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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