Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
