im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He shit in the fireplace
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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