There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
