I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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