: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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