I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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