So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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