So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
