and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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