id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
