I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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