I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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