Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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