I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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