I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
