I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
