Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
