i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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