dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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