so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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