in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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