i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
