I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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