it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
