soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize