i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
