i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
