turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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