I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
