Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Randomize