whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need water and some morals
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
