Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
This house was built for laser tag.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
