Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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