As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
