pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
