Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
