Pants 0. Shit 1.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
