I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My penis needs a shock collar
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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