How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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