real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
