you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
