I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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