i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
soo... how was my night?
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