Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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