A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
