If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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