I cannot find my penis.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just had sex on a roof
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
