His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
