"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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