there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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