I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I cockslap morals
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
