Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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