it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
