none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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